


why does love torment the good?

by fadinglove



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Book 4: House of Hades, Coming Out, Confusing, Dubious Consent, Falling In Love, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Not Canon Compliant - The House of Hades, Plot What Plot, Post-The House of Hades, Pre-The House of Hades, Short, The House of Hades Spoilers, nico comes out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 11:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9654326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadinglove/pseuds/fadinglove
Summary: "Oh, I wouldn't say Love makes you happy."His voice sounded smaller, much more human."Sometimes it makes you incredibly sad. But at least you've faced it now. That's the only way to conquer me."





	1. cupid's hatred

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: mentions of nico's coming out (which was not fully consented)

A marble bust of Cupid, cut sharply with lines of definition where sunlight illuminates and shadow darkens, poised high above a pedestal in an empty room of masterpiece. The features are distinct and beautifully eccentric, singing sweet praises of the extent of humanity's physical beauty.

As all carved statues, his eyes wander distantly and his bow lips curl up in smile, but do not fully reach.

* * *

Nico can feel ash in his mouth and molten lava churning in his stomach as he spits out the secret, his secret, one secret that threatens to shatter every glass of his being. He almost expects the world to collapse as it finally escapes him, but it doesn't.

And when he looks up, he expects to see crushed ruins of his landscaped mind, debris and dust piled high from years of locking away the most significant parts of himself. A neglected, barren wasteland of toxic acid in the air and grounds of flame underneath.

Instead, it's just the piercing blue eyes of Jason Grace, his hair nearly falling into his eyes, but lips parted in obvious shock. There's an unreadable expression on his face.

Quickly, Nico looks away before he can decipher what exactly it is, because he doesn't want to see pity reflected back at him, like a ray of sunbeam burning an ant alive after it bounces off a magnifying glass.

He is the ant. He would never be the sun, after all. And most importantly, he will never be the world to somebody else.

* * *

_"Oh, I wouldn't say Love makes you happy."_ His voice sounded smaller, much more human. _"Sometimes it makes you incredibly sad. But at least you've faced it now. That's the only way to conquer me."_

Cupid dissolved into the wind.

* * *

Once upon a time, Nico believed that love was eternal and beautiful. His sister loved him, and he loved her, and he loved Percy, and before that, he loved his mother. And there were more simple loves, like playing Mythomagic.

And then Bianca's love was stolen from him, as swift and sudden as an icy gale, and in turn he tried to retract his love for the sea god's son, and the memory of his mother was long gone. Mythomagic was a silly children's game, something he wouldn't touch again.

Only later did the son of Hades feel, deeply, the striking pain of unrequited love pierce his heart, make him feel burned from the inside out, crush his hopes and his dreams and everything that ever lived.

Only then Nico realized love was not eternal and beautiful, but rather agonizing. Yet there was no way to get away from it.

* * *

Nico screams from his gut and the skeletons rise out of the ground to claw, slash, beat Cupid to death but he knows, already, who has lost. Him against love? That is not even a competition.

Later, Jason tells him, "I've seen a lot of brave things. But what you just did? That was maybe the bravest."

It unfurls something within him, but he freezes the flower before it can bloom.

* * *

He feels a pair of blue eyes trailing him wherever he goes. He hears a gentle, compassionate voice breathing, "That was maybe the bravest," and the thing in his chest spreads like a beautiful mirage of vivid colors spilling into his empty soul.

He doesn't stop it.

* * *

Nico sits with Jason at the edge of the ship, imagining what dipping his toes into the sky, skimming past clouds, would feel like. The expanse of blue around them is echoed by a familiar gaze.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm.."

"I know," he replies quietly. "Talking is not what I need. Action, maybe."

The son of Zeus cracks a smile at that, and they spend hours sparring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 is short and already written so i'll be posting it soon


	2. nico's love

The sparring becomes routine. The truth is, Nico di Angelo is very good while Jason Grace is moderately okay. They both know it. "How do you" -Jason pants as his sword is knocked out of his hand -"do that?"

"Practice." A simple answer. And for some unknown reason, Jason laughs. Nico finds it in him to smile, a little bit.

* * *

Psyche had been right. Cupid was a monster.

 _Love_ was the most savage monster of all.

* * *

And after a swordfight on deck in the middle of the night, they stand close with their blades crossed against one another, pushing for the win, making an X. Both boys are shirtless, sweat running down in rivulets, hair matted with the stuff.

Nico pants steadily.

The moonlight seems to pool into the sharp contours of Jason's body, reflecting off those eyes, silver now. And where the light doesn't hit, shadow rushes in. His hair looks nearly white.

Jason is beautiful. And Nico gasps with surprise when Jason rushes in to meet his lips.

* * *

Much, much later, Nico barely recalls the agonies he lived through. His heart beats a steady pattern in his chest, and he is dark only in the color of his eyes and hair.

"You are my world," Jason whispers between frantic kisses and smooth touch, and Nico can finally breathe.

 

 


End file.
